She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
