Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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