You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You made out with two different species that night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
