You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
