just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
