he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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