i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
