he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
