Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
