In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
