I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
