What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
