You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
