Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize