just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
