oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
