wakey wakey hands off snakey
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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