you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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