VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
