I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
