Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
