I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
