Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
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Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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