im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
