New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
