Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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