my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
