im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
