Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
