he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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