I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
