First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
