he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
im on a boat
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