how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
