shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
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