yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's shark week go big or go home
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
