She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
