I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
