i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
