In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
