RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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