I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
