A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
