just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They took my balls.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
