there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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