He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
