i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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