when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
