i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
