Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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