wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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