Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
