I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
