so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
