I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
