i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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