ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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