Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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