Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
And then he peed in my hair
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