Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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