o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
