Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
