And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
