It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
