She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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