Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
