I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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