remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
