dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
