He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Shame is for Republicans.
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