Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
false alarm, still single
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