I wish I only lived at night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
