dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
